Sorry, but I can't pass up an opportunity to mouth off

Alright, Im on a roll tonight, so why stop now....why not squeeze one more post out before I hit the sack.

I've decided (on a whim as usual) to enter this contest on Shoemoney.com

Apparently, all I have to do to win tickets to Las Vegas and a ticket to PubCon is explain to you all why I deserve to "Roll With The Rockstars".

Now, you'll all have to bear with me here, and be gentle. Because I'm a virgin.

You see, this is a first for me in two ways: This will be the very first Internet based contest I've ever entered, and also, it will be the first time I've publically associated my good name with Shoemoney.com and it's affiliates. I can't say I'm overly thrilled by the latter, as you'll read about later in my entry; but nevertheless, I'll do my best to put forth an entry worthy of a trip to Las Vegas and tickets to PubCon......between you and I, I don't think this will be too difficult to do, given the caliber of the competition I'm up against.

If you will, allow me to indulge for a moment and share with you a sampling of some of the shills that have come before me:

1)
Title: Party Like a Rockstar with Shoemister
Entry:

Alright this post will be A LOT different than my usual web creation updates and business strategies [TRANSLATION: I'm insecure about my blogs purpose, and I think my readers are fucking morons. Let me remind you why you usually come to my blog]...In the "competition" people interested write up a blog and basically explain why they are better than the next person. Why they can party their ass off and still maintain a certain sense of baller-Esq the next morning (or hours later in my case). Then after you write up the reasons and explain why you are better than anyone else you post up a link to it. [TRANSLATION: I don't actually know what I'm going to write, so Im going to write about what I am supposed to be writing about while I figure out what the hell I'm actually going to write about]...So I thought why the hell not. Looking over the competition, or lack thereof, I find nothing more than wanna-be people who seem to think "partying like a rock star" is spreading your ass-checks [TRANSLATION: I don't deserve to goto PubCon because I don't know how to spell the word 'cheeks']...

2)
Title: I'm Party Deprived, Send me to Vegas
Entry:

I used to party all the time. [TRANSLATION: I am no longer fun to be around] I lived in the DC suburbs. [TRANSLATION: I carry a gun at all times] You can’t live in the land of government corruption, special interest groups, and the highest rate of wine consumption in the country and not party [TRANSLATION: Once I get drunk, I am going to talk your fucking ear off about politics]. My best friend Cathy lived in a huge house that used to be a tiny church. [TRANSLATION: I'm probably gay] She had 5 other roommates and they had legendary parties. I became the 7th roommate much like fans at a basketball game become the 6th man. [TRANSLATION: ***gibberish*** ].....I pre-partied. I partied. I crashed. [TRANSLATION: I am definately no fun to be around].....A series of unfortunate events led me back to NC. I’m not complaining. I have a good life now. I’ve done some light partying after improv shows and classes. And I did some serious partying when the Hurricanes won the Stanley Cup (in ‘06). [TRANSLATION: Once Im drunk, I'm going to talk your ear off about whatever the fuck I feel like]

3)
Title: Technology Information: Party Like a RockStar!
Entry:

...........I'm not here to talk about business
If you start bragging about your SEO tricks
I'll be up in your grill, screaming "I don't give a shit!"
Let's be real, homie.
I don't want to relax, I want to party all night long
And only worry about fillin' up my glass.

Mixin' bourbon with whiskey, and chase it down with a beer
that's how I roll while I'm playin' the roulette wheel.
When you're in Vegas, baby, there's no time to kick back
There are hundreds of casinos and girls to holler at.........

[TRANSLATION: Once I get a few drinks in me, I will be trying to fornicate with you. ]


As you can see, there really is no contest. That said, I'm not an arrogant man. I don't necessarily think that this is a sure-thing. So I'll now take an opportunity to share a few amusing anecdotes:

- I once woke up in a pile of garbage behind a strip club in Montreal called "Super-Sex". It's was 8pm.
- I once drunkenly attempted to smash a beer bottle over the head of my best friend, who was at the time trying to take a piss. The beer bottle didnt break. It bounced. He still has a scar.
- Later that night, to make amends, I let him smash a beer bottle over my head. It broke. I still have a scar.
- I am a rugby player. You know what that means.
- Not only am I Canadian, I'm also Irish.
....I could go on, but.....why bother?

Ain't that 'nuf said?  Think I deserve to win this contest?

I agree.

PS: That $500 bucks? It's gonna be used to bail one of your sorry asses out of jail